MILBORNE PORT, SOMERSET 1999
Just a few added notes from Pikehand Archive
There was a lot of expectation from Bob and Graham that Jim would attend this weekend. In view of the possibility the following letter had been sent to him but the Pikehands were totally unaware. For many it would have been a surprise finding that there were other relatives they neve knew existed. Here an extract from the letter:-
Dear Jim.
Here's the letter I promised. Welcome to Pikehands. Apart from the usual prefixes like Sir or Lord or Oi, you may find yourself sometimes addressed as PKD, but don't hold you breath waiting. I enclose the official letter informing of the date for the 1999 weekend. I can confirm that it will be the 18th. How about that? New pike and the only one with official confirmation. That's a last! At some later date, assuming Graham and I do something about it, we'll write with all the detail that you will require, including assignments. I note below the Pikehand standing order account. Well you didn't think that there wasn't a catch?, unless you are looking for an early nomination for "Pikehand of the Year." Sometime, when any of us know what it is all about, we'll explain it to you. However as a special pre-weekend assignment for you only, give us your explanation of "Pikehand of the Year," when called at once, at any time, by Graham or or me. (The organisers are always right and you will be the only one who can gain or lose points). It can be funny, serious, dirty, rude, infamous, abusive, etc., and either spoken, diagrammed, sketched, recorded, filmed mimed or any other form of delivery of you choice not exceeding three minutes. If you need props, you should provide them and have them to hand. As a guide, one year we all had to prepare a speech. Graham,s was "Are there any questions?" whereas mine was three minutes about diarrhoea.
Bob and Gra were organisers for the final Pike weekend of this millenneum. To the more pedantic Pike this could have been the penultimate weekend. Also attending were Alan, Bryan, Jeff, Neil, Nick.C, Nick.T, (a new PIKEHAND)(Nick does not have a personal page as he in no longer a Pikehand) Pete and Ray. During the journey down Bob recieved a call from Jim apologising for not being able to attend. Our digs were in a large country house named Canon Court Farm just South of Milborne Port.
Pikes who arrived within the time frame, previously set out by the organisers who are never wrong and have to be obeyed, began to arrive at the house. Late arrivals were to meet the earlier Pikes in, The King's Head, just a short walk from the digs. So beered up and ready with all agreed Pikes attending we had our first meal of the weekend together. Pikes had been advised that there would be no driving required so they did not stint themselves. The waitresses were very gregarious and friendly. They explained that the child of one of them required cancer treatment. They had, the previous week, organised an event in the hall next to the pub to raise funds for the child. The hall was packed and the waitresses entertained and sang songs and ended their performance with, "The Full Monty." A roaring Success!! Cash rolled in from the audience kick starting the fund. They showed the Pikes a few photos and invited us to contribute. All Pikes chipped in. Last orders were over so we left the pub. A few forward thinking Pikes had included a torch in their belongings. Very useful for the return to the house in the dark through the unlit meandering pathways of the village to our digs. Pikes who had taken the time to read and more importantly understand the invitation had brought there PreTasks with them. Upon arrival each Pike was to make an original comment, bring their corrected letter, also an original instrument of their own creation. Gra's quiz was handed out. There was a kit inspection, selection of teams and breakfast rotas to be arranged before bed. Once done each Pike presented his corrected letter whilst we tucked into beer, bread and cheese. Now Gra has a reputation of riotous sleeping and all Pikes avoid his room at night. However as an organiser Bob had the good/mis-fortune to be sharing a room with Gra. Bob was militarily conditioned though and slept through.
So next morning bright and cheerful, despite hangovers, our transport collected and delivered us at the Folke Golf Centre.
Not all Pikes have the hand eye coordination, inclination, skill, stance, etc., for this activity.
So we had to have some training. Each Pike had a bucket of fifty balls, shoes to fit and range of golf clubs, striking of ball type. This clarity is required because there were masterful text correctors in our midst. Most of us did not know a driver from a putter and irons with numbers were mysteries to us. Undaunted we went onto the driving range. It was a rule that once you have hit the ball with a club and it went onto the range it was out of bounds to the player who had struck it. Obviously this was a safety requirement as a Pike out there gathering balls was an inviting target for all the other Pikes. However that pre-supposes that we were able to hit the ball that far. In fact there were quite few blistering drives of about two metres. Some Pikes thought that the out of bounds rules did not apply to those and began retrieval. Sharp minder remonstrations stopped all activity and the rules were again extolled. So driving (hitting or not the ball) continued until we experience dry buckets.
We had an alcohol free lunch in the club house. This was because our after lunch activity was a round of golf. We knew what a round of toast was but a round of golf needed explaining. We were split into groups of two or three so that disorientated Pikes had a guide with them. It was the nine holes round. Since then there has been televised golf which gives Pikes an idea what a hole means now. A marking card to record how many times you hit the ball before it went into a particular hole was given to each Pike. Some Pikes gave up on some holes and no Pike wished to publicise his score after nine. Ray was awarded maximum points as the organisers awarded them on the basis of highest card score in descending order.
Our mini bus dropped us back at our digs.
Then it was time for the next, unknown to Pikes, activity.
They were to create a tower from materials provided by the organisers. Aren't they wonders! Each team was given a few sheets of A4 paper, a small role of sticky tape, several small cards, a flat wooden board and a heavy building brick.
Their task was to construct a free standing tower that supported the brick. The tower was to be a minimum height of 18 inches to the under side of the brick (500mm for modern Pikes). Points would be awarded on the basis of which team satisfactorily completed the task as inspected and approved by the organisers.
Part of the inspection process was a minimum time limit for the tower to remain standing and the quality of the build. Teams rapidly found locations in the house where they could secretly work out their plans from the other team. Pete, whose mind works a little different from others, was the first to seek clarification. He wanted to know if creating his team's tower upstairs was to count in the minimum height requirement. After a firm no he departed to convey the news to his team. Both teams succeeded.
Following the team's successes it was time to prepare ourselves for dinner. On time the mini bus arrived and ferried us to Three Elms. This was a popular pub/restaurant pretty close to the golf course. The owner was an avid collector of Dinky Toys. Everywhere on high shelving around the whole place were the collection on display. There were hundreds of them all in pristine condition. Quite a daunting daily dusting task. Unusually this pub included a huge range of vegetarian dishes in its extensive and varied menu. For once Alan did not end up with pasta. We were invited to leave after last orders to gather on the mini bus back to the digs. The answers to Gra's quiz were then revealed to the teams before bed. Once more, through the fog of beer and cheese, they completed their task.
Next morning we started a less strenuous day. After breakfast our mini bus drove to the Fleet Air Arm Museum. There were many displays of planes from past generations on view. There was also a helicopter simulator that took a limited number of Pikes at a time. What a noisy, windy and shaky ride. There was significantly more comfort on the return to our digs in the mini bus. A leisurely lunch in the house was followed by the next indoor activity.
The time had arrived for the unique instrumental extravaganza. Each Pike had brought an instrument of his own creation.
Varying degrees of creative skills were on display along with less adventurous devices. The methods of inducing sound were varied as were the sounds themselves.
Alan had surpassed all with his instrument or more correctly ochestra. He had an instrument for each Pike all connected with a continuous wire. Even music for each had been provided. Of course a conductor was required and that was Alan. He'd even made his own baton. Pikes were allotted their particular part of the instrument and instruction on the musical score. Pikes are a pretty uncordinated lot so it took some while before a combined result was achieved. That it was achieved at all was a miracle as each Pike continuously practiced his part whilst under instruction on responses to the baton.
Our banquet time was now approaching. So Pikes showered and got ready. It was a short walk to the Kings Head for a few pre-dinner drinks.
But we were not eating there. Our mini bus put in an appearance once again and whisked us off to the Grange. This was a rather a nice hotel and restaurant in the village of Oborne. Whilst testing their brews we selected the meals we wanted. We also selected wines to drink with them. Seated at the table the food and wine was served. There was a very good Valpolicella Amarone which Bryan said was his favourite wine. He had a glass but none of the other Pikes wanted it except Bob. He finished the bottle and two others as well. Just before the mini bus arrived to collect us the alcohol hit him. Back at the digs he went for a long walk. Upon return he went to bed as did the other Pikes. He was blessed without a hang over upon waking the following morning. How fortunate is that?
As usual we all set to cleaning and tidying the place. We like to leave a good reputation behind. Our conference followed. We departed for the Crown pub for lunch, said our goobyes and made for home.